our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
