fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
