i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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