And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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