the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
