as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
People in love make me want to vomit
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
