i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
