so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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