I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
