So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
