if only i could text you this smell
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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