I got chris browned last night
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
