JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
