420 ftw
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
