ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
