Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
