I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
