do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
