i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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