READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
