I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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