I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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