i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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