Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
