i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
