Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
accomplished twins. life is a go
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
