mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sorry about my life...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
