I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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