I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
