I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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