am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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