Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
