I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i drank out of a bidet.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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