she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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