I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
