there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
