If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
