I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
