Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
sex in a hospital.. check
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
