Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
