He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Let's paint friendship bongs
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
