Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
