he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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