New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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