You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
