I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
