saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
