Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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