All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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