dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have post one night stand depression
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