What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
