i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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